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| OLIVIA's garden. |
| [Enter OLIVIA and MARIA] |
| OLIVIA | I have sent after him: he says he'll come; | ||
| How shall I feast him? what bestow of him? | |||
| For youth is bought more oft than begg'd or borrow'd. | |||
| I speak too loud. | |||
| Where is Malvolio? he is sad and civil, | 5 | ||
| And suits well for a servant with my fortunes: | |||
| Where is Malvolio? |
| MARIA | He's coming, madam; but in very strange manner. He | ||
| is, sure, possessed, madam. |
| OLIVIA | Why, what's the matter? does he rave? | 10 |
| MARIA | No. madam, he does nothing but smile: your | ||
| ladyship were best to have some guard about you, if | |||
| he come; for, sure, the man is tainted in's wits. |
| OLIVIA | Go call him hither. | ||
| [Exit MARIA] | |||
| I am as mad as he, | 15 | ||
| If sad and merry madness equal be. | |||
| [Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO] | |||
| How now, Malvolio! |
| MALVOLIO | Sweet lady, ho, ho. |
| OLIVIA | Smilest thou? | ||
| I sent for thee upon a sad occasion. | 20 |
| MALVOLIO | Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some | ||
| obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but | |||
| what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is | |||
| with me as the very true sonnet is, 'Please one, and | |||
| please all.' | 25 |
| OLIVIA | Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee? |
| MALVOLIO | Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It | ||
| did come to his hands, and commands shall be | |||
| executed: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand. |
| OLIVIA | Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio? | 30 |
| MALVOLIO | To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I'll come to thee. |
| OLIVIA | God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss | ||
| thy hand so oft? |
| MARIA | How do you, Malvolio? |
| MALVOLIO | At your request! yes; nightingales answer daws. | 35 |
| MARIA | Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady? |
| MALVOLIO | 'Be not afraid of greatness:' 'twas well writ. |
| OLIVIA | What meanest thou by that, Malvolio? |
| MALVOLIO | 'Some are born great,'-- |
| OLIVIA | Ha! | 40 |
| MALVOLIO | 'Some achieve greatness,'-- |
| OLIVIA | What sayest thou? |
| MALVOLIO | 'And some have greatness thrust upon them.' |
| OLIVIA | Heaven restore thee! |
| MALVOLIO | 'Remember who commended thy yellow stockings,'-- | 45 |
| OLIVIA | Thy yellow stockings! |
| MALVOLIO | 'And wished to see thee cross-gartered.' |
| OLIVIA | Cross-gartered! |
| MALVOLIO | 'Go to thou art made, if thou desirest to be so;'-- |
| OLIVIA | Am I made? | 50 |
| MALVOLIO | 'If not, let me see thee a servant still.' |
| OLIVIA | Why, this is very midsummer madness. | ||
| [Enter Servant] |
| Servant | Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's is | ||
| returned: I could hardly entreat him back: he | |||
| attends your ladyship's pleasure. | 55 |
| OLIVIA | I'll come to him. | ||
| [Exit Servant] | |||
| Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's | |||
| my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special | |||
| care of him: I would not have him miscarry for the | |||
| half of my dowry. | 60 | ||
| [Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA] |
| MALVOLIO | O, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than | ||
| Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly with | |||
| the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may | |||
| appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that | |||
| in the letter. 'Cast thy humble slough,' says she; | 65 | ||
| 'be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; | |||
| let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; put | |||
| thyself into the trick of singularity;' and | |||
| consequently sets down the manner how; as, a sad | |||
| face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the | 70 | ||
| habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have | |||
| limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me | |||
| thankful! And when she went away now, 'Let this | |||
| fellow be looked to:' fellow! not Malvolio, nor | |||
| after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing | 75 | ||
| adheres together, that no dram of a scruple, no | |||
| scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous | |||
| or unsafe circumstance--What can be said? Nothing | |||
| that can be can come between me and the full | |||
| prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the | 80 | ||
| doer of this, and he is to be thanked. | |||
| [Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN] |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all | ||
| the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion | |||
| himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him. |
| FABIAN | Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir? | 85 | |
| how is't with you, man? |
| MALVOLIO | Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: go | ||
| off. |
| MARIA | Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not | ||
| I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a | 90 | ||
| care of him. |
| MALVOLIO | Ah, ha! does she so? |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently | ||
| with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how | |||
| is't with you? What, man! defy the devil: | 95 | ||
| consider, he's an enemy to mankind. |
| MALVOLIO | Do you know what you say? |
| MARIA | La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes | ||
| it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched! |
| FABIAN | Carry his water to the wise woman. | 100 |
| MARIA | Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if I | ||
| live. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say. |
| MALVOLIO | How now, mistress! |
| MARIA | O Lord! |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do | 105 | |
| you not see you move him? let me alone with him. |
| FABIAN | No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is | ||
| rough, and will not be roughly used. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Why, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck? |
| MALVOLIO | Sir! | 110 |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 'tis not for | ||
| gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: hang | |||
| him, foul collier! |
| MARIA | Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray. |
| MALVOLIO | My prayers, minx! | 115 |
| MARIA | No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness. |
| MALVOLIO | Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow | ||
| things: I am not of your element: you shall know | |||
| more hereafter. | |||
| [Exit] |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Is't possible? | 120 |
| FABIAN | If this were played upon a stage now, I could | ||
| condemn it as an improbable fiction. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man. |
| MARIA | Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint. |
| FABIAN | Why, we shall make him mad indeed. | 125 |
| MARIA | The house will be the quieter. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My | ||
| niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we | |||
| may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance, | |||
| till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt | 130 | ||
| us to have mercy on him: at which time we will | |||
| bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a | |||
| finder of madmen. But see, but see. | |||
| [Enter SIR ANDREW] |
| FABIAN | More matter for a May morning. |
| SIR ANDREW | Here's the challenge, read it: warrant there's | 135 | |
| vinegar and pepper in't. |
| FABIAN | Is't so saucy? |
| SIR ANDREW | Ay, is't, I warrant him: do but read. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Give me. | ||
| [Reads] | |||
| 'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.' | 140 |
| FABIAN | Good, and valiant. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | [Reads] 'Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, | ||
| why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.' |
| FABIAN | A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | [Reads] 'Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my | 145 | |
| sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy | |||
| throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.' |
| FABIAN | Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--less. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | [Reads] 'I will waylay thee going home; where if it | ||
| be thy chance to kill me,'-- | 150 |
| FABIAN | Good. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | [Reads] 'Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.' |
| FABIAN | Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: good. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | [Reads] 'Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon | ||
| one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but | 155 | ||
| my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy | |||
| friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy, | |||
| ANDREW AGUECHEEK. | |||
| If this letter move him not, his legs cannot: | |||
| I'll give't him. | 160 |
| MARIA | You may have very fit occasion for't: he is now in | ||
| some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the | ||
| orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest | |||
| him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for | 165 | ||
| it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a | |||
| swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood | |||
| more approbation than ever proof itself would have | |||
| earned him. Away! |
| SIR ANDREW | Nay, let me alone for swearing. | 170 | |
| [Exit] |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behavior | ||
| of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good | |||
| capacity and breeding; his employment between his | |||
| lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this | |||
| letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no | 175 | ||
| terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a | |||
| clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by | |||
| word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report | |||
| of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his | |||
| youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous | 180 | ||
| opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity. | |||
| This will so fright them both that they will kill | |||
| one another by the look, like cockatrices. | |||
| [Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA] |
| FABIAN | Here he comes with your niece: give them way till | ||
| he take leave, and presently after him. | 185 |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | I will meditate the while upon some horrid message | ||
| for a challenge. | |||
| [Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, FABIAN, and MARIA] |
| OLIVIA | I have said too much unto a heart of stone | ||
| And laid mine honour too unchary out: | |||
| There's something in me that reproves my fault; | 190 | ||
| But such a headstrong potent fault it is, | |||
| That it but mocks reproof. |
| VIOLA | With the same 'havior that your passion bears | ||
| Goes on my master's grief. |
| OLIVIA | Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture; | 195 | |
| Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you; | |||
| And I beseech you come again to-morrow. | |||
| What shall you ask of me that I'll deny, | |||
| That honour saved may upon asking give? |
| VIOLA | Nothing but this; your true love for my master. | 200 |
| OLIVIA | How with mine honour may I give him that | ||
| Which I have given to you? |
| VIOLA | I will acquit you. |
| OLIVIA | Well, come again to-morrow: fare thee well: | ||
| A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell. | 205 | ||
| [Exit] | |||
| [Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN] |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Gentleman, God save thee. |
| VIOLA | And you, sir. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what | ||
| nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know | |||
| not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as | 210 | ||
| the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end: | |||
| dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for | |||
| thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly. |
| VIOLA | You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel | ||
| to me: my remembrance is very free and clear from | 215 | ||
| any image of offence done to any man. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore, | ||
| if you hold your life at any price, betake you to | |||
| your guard; for your opposite hath in him what | |||
| youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal. | 220 |
| VIOLA | I pray you, sir, what is he? |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on | ||
| carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private | |||
| brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and | |||
| his incensement at this moment is so implacable, | 225 | ||
| that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death | |||
| and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't. |
| VIOLA | I will return again into the house and desire some | ||
| conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard | |||
| of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on | 230 | ||
| others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man | |||
| of that quirk. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a | ||
| very competent injury: therefore, get you on and | |||
| give him his desire. Back you shall not to the | 235 | ||
| house, unless you undertake that with me which with | |||
| as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on, | |||
| or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you | |||
| must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you. |
| VIOLA | This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me | 240 | |
| this courteous office, as to know of the knight what | |||
| my offence to him is: it is something of my | |||
| negligence, nothing of my purpose. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this | ||
| gentleman till my return. | 245 | ||
| [Exit] |
| VIOLA | Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter? |
| FABIAN | I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a | ||
| mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more. |
| VIOLA | I beseech you, what manner of man is he? |
| FABIAN | Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by | 250 | |
| his form, as you are like to find him in the proof | |||
| of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful, | |||
| bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly | |||
| have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk | |||
| towards him? I will make your peace with him if I | 255 | ||
| can. |
| VIOLA | I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one that | ||
| had rather go with sir priest than sir knight: I | |||
| care not who knows so much of my mettle. | |||
| [Exeunt] | |||
| [Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH, with SIR ANDREW] |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a | 260 | |
| firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and | |||
| all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal | |||
| motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he | |||
| pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they | |||
| step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy. | 265 |
| SIR ANDREW | Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can | ||
| scarce hold him yonder. |
| SIR ANDREW | Plague on't, an I thought he had been valiant and so | ||
| cunning in fence, I'ld have seen him damned ere I'ld | 270 | ||
| have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip, | |||
| and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good show | ||
| on't: this shall end without the perdition of souls. | |||
| [Aside] | |||
| Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you. | 275 | ||
| [Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA] | |||
| [To FABIAN] | |||
| I have his horse to take up the quarrel: | |||
| I have persuaded him the youth's a devil. |
| FABIAN | He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and | ||
| looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | [To VIOLA] There's no remedy, sir; he will fight | 280 | |
| with you for's oath sake: marry, he hath better | |||
| bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now | |||
| scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for | |||
| the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you. |
| VIOLA | [Aside] Pray God defend me! A little thing would | 285 | |
| make me tell them how much I lack of a man. |
| FABIAN | Give ground, if you see him furious. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman | ||
| will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you; | |||
| he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has | 290 | ||
| promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he | |||
| will not hurt you. Come on; to't. |
| SIR ANDREW | Pray God, he keep his oath! |
| VIOLA | I do assure you, 'tis against my will. | ||
| [They draw] | |||
| [Enter ANTONIO] |
| ANTONIO | Put up your sword. If this young gentleman | 295 | |
| Have done offence, I take the fault on me: | |||
| If you offend him, I for him defy you. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | You, sir! why, what are you? |
| ANTONIO | One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more | ||
| Than you have heard him brag to you he will. | 300 |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you. | ||
| [They draw] | |||
| [Enter Officers] |
| FABIAN | O good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | I'll be with you anon. |
| VIOLA | Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please. |
| SIR ANDREW | Marry, will I, sir; and, for that I promised you, | 305 | |
| I'll be as good as my word: he will bear you easily | |||
| and reins well. |
| First Officer | This is the man; do thy office. |
| Second Officer | Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino. |
| ANTONIO | You do mistake me, sir. | 310 |
| First Officer | No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well, | ||
| Though now you have no sea-cap on your head. | |||
| Take him away: he knows I know him well. |
| ANTONIO | I must obey. | ||
| [To VIOLA] | |||
| This comes with seeking you: | 315 | ||
| But there's no remedy; I shall answer it. | |||
| What will you do, now my necessity | |||
| Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me | |||
| Much more for what I cannot do for you | |||
| Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed; | 320 | ||
| But be of comfort. |
| Second Officer | Come, sir, away. |
| ANTONIO | I must entreat of you some of that money. |
| VIOLA | What money, sir? | ||
| For the fair kindness you have show'd me here, | 325 | ||
| And, part, being prompted by your present trouble, | |||
| Out of my lean and low ability | |||
| I'll lend you something: my having is not much; | |||
| I'll make division of my present with you: | |||
| Hold, there's half my coffer. | 330 |
| ANTONIO | Will you deny me now? | ||
| Is't possible that my deserts to you | |||
| Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery, | |||
| Lest that it make me so unsound a man | |||
| As to upbraid you with those kindnesses | 335 | ||
| That I have done for you. |
| VIOLA | I know of none; | ||
| Nor know I you by voice or any feature: | |||
| I hate ingratitude more in a man | |||
| Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness, | 340 | ||
| Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption | |||
| Inhabits our frail blood. |
| ANTONIO | O heavens themselves! |
| Second Officer | Come, sir, I pray you, go. |
| ANTONIO | Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here | 345 | |
| I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death, | |||
| Relieved him with such sanctity of love, | |||
| And to his image, which methought did promise | |||
| Most venerable worth, did I devotion. |
| First Officer | What's that to us? The time goes by: away! | 350 |
| ANTONIO | But O how vile an idol proves this god | ||
| Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame. | |||
| In nature there's no blemish but the mind; | |||
| None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind: | |||
| Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil | 355 | ||
| Are empty trunks o'erflourish'd by the devil. |
| First Officer | The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir. |
| ANTONIO | Lead me on. | ||
| [Exit with Officers] |
| VIOLA | Methinks his words do from such passion fly, | ||
| That he believes himself: so do not I. | 360 | ||
| Prove true, imagination, O, prove true, | |||
| That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you! |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian: we'll | ||
| whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws. |
| VIOLA | He named Sebastian: I my brother know | 365 | |
| Yet living in my glass; even such and so | |||
| In favour was my brother, and he went | |||
| Still in this fashion, colour, ornament, | |||
| For him I imitate: O, if it prove, | |||
| Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love. | 370 | ||
| [Exit] |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than | ||
| a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his | |||
| friend here in necessity and denying him; and for | |||
| his cowardship, ask Fabian. |
| FABIAN | A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it. | 375 |
| SIR ANDREW | 'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword. |
| SIR ANDREW | An I do not,-- |
| FABIAN | Come, let's see the event. |
| SIR TOBY BELCH | I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet. | 380 | |
| [Exeunt] |
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