TWELFTH NIGHT 3.1

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TWELFTH NIGHT 3.1

OLIVIA's garden.

[Enter VIOLA, and Clown with a tabour]

VIOLA Save thee, friend, and thy music: dost thou live by

thy tabour?

Clown No, sir, I live by the church.

VIOLA Art thou a churchman?

Clown No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for 5

I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by

the church.

VIOLA So thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a

beggar dwell near him; or, the church stands by thy

tabour, if thy tabour stand by the church. 10

Clown You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is

but a cheveril glove to a good wit: how quickly the

wrong side may be turned outward!

VIOLA Nay, that's certain; they that dally nicely with

words may quickly make them wanton. 15

Clown I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.

VIOLA Why, man?

Clown Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that

word might make my sister wanton. But indeed words

are very rascals since bonds disgraced them. 20

VIOLA Thy reason, man?

Clown Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and

words are grown so false, I am loath to prove

reason with them.

VIOLA I warrant thou art a merry fellow and carest for nothing. 25

Clown Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my

conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be

to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.

VIOLA Art not thou the Lady Olivia's fool?

Clown No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she 30

will keep no fool, sir, till she be married; and

fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to

herrings; the husband's the bigger: I am indeed not

her fool, but her corrupter of words.

VIOLA I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's. 35

Clown Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun,

it shines every where. I would be sorry, sir, but

the fool should be as oft with your master as with

my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.

VIOLA Nay, an thou pass upon me, I'll no more with thee. 40

Hold, there's expenses for thee.

Clown Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!

VIOLA By my troth, I'll tell thee, I am almost sick for

one;

[Aside]

though I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy 45

lady within?

Clown Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?

VIOLA Yes, being kept together and put to use.

Clown I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring

a Cressida to this Troilus. 50

VIOLA I understand you, sir; 'tis well begged.

Clown The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but

a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is

within, sir. I will construe to them whence you

come; who you are and what you would are out of my 55

welkin, I might say 'element,' but the word is over-worn.

[Exit]

VIOLA This fellow is wise enough to play the fool;

And to do that well craves a kind of wit:

He must observe their mood on whom he jests,

The quality of persons, and the time, 60

And, like the haggard, cheque at every feather

That comes before his eye. This is a practise

As full of labour as a wise man's art

For folly that he wisely shows is fit;

But wise men, folly-fall'n, quite taint their wit. 65

[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW]

SIR TOBY BELCH Save you, gentleman.

VIOLA And you, sir.

SIR ANDREW Dieu vous garde, monsieur.

VIOLA Et vous aussi; votre serviteur.

SIR ANDREW I hope, sir, you are; and I am yours. 70

SIR TOBY BELCH Will you encounter the house? my niece is desirous

you should enter, if your trade be to her.

VIOLA I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the

list of my voyage.

SIR TOBY BELCH Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion. 75

VIOLA My legs do better understand me, sir, than I

understand what you mean by bidding me taste my legs.

SIR TOBY BELCH I mean, to go, sir, to enter.

VIOLA I will answer you with gait and entrance. But we

are prevented. 80

[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA]

Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain

odours on you!

SIR ANDREW That youth's a rare courtier: 'Rain odours;' well.

VIOLA My matter hath no voice, to your own most pregnant

and vouchsafed ear. 85

SIR ANDREW 'Odours,' 'pregnant' and 'vouchsafed:' I'll get 'em

all three all ready.

OLIVIA Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to my hearing.

[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and MARIA]

Give me your hand, sir.

VIOLA My duty, madam, and most humble service. 90

OLIVIA What is your name?

VIOLA Cesario is your servant's name, fair princess.

OLIVIA My servant, sir! 'Twas never merry world

Since lowly feigning was call'd compliment:

You're servant to the Count Orsino, youth. 95

VIOLA And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:

Your servant's servant is your servant, madam.

OLIVIA For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts,

Would they were blanks, rather than fill'd with me!

VIOLA Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts 100

On his behalf.

OLIVIA O, by your leave, I pray you,

I bade you never speak again of him:

But, would you undertake another suit,

I had rather hear you to solicit that

Than music from the spheres. 105

VIOLA Dear lady,--

OLIVIA Give me leave, beseech you. I did send,

After the last enchantment you did here,

A ring in chase of you: so did I abuse

Myself, my servant and, I fear me, you: 110

Under your hard construction must I sit,

To force that on you, in a shameful cunning,

Which you knew none of yours: what might you think?

Have you not set mine honour at the stake

And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts 115

That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving

Enough is shown: a cypress, not a bosom,

Hideth my heart. So, let me hear you speak.

VIOLA I pity you.

OLIVIA That's a degree to love.

VIOLA No, not a grize; for 'tis a vulgar proof, 120

That very oft we pity enemies.

OLIVIA Why, then, methinks 'tis time to smile again.

O, world, how apt the poor are to be proud!

If one should be a prey, how much the better

To fall before the lion than the wolf! 125

[Clock strikes]

The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.

Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you:

And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest,

Your were is alike to reap a proper man:

There lies your way, due west. 130

VIOLA Then westward-ho! Grace and good disposition

Attend your ladyship!

You'll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?

OLIVIA Stay:

I prithee, tell me what thou thinkest of me. 135

VIOLA That you do think you are not what you are.

OLIVIA If I think so, I think the same of you.

VIOLA Then think you right: I am not what I am.

OLIVIA I would you were as I would have you be!

VIOLA Would it be better, madam, than I am? 140

I wish it might, for now I am your fool.

OLIVIA O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful

In the contempt and anger of his lip!

A murderous guilt shows not itself more soon

Than love that would seem hid: love's night is noon. 145

Cesario, by the roses of the spring,

By maidhood, honour, truth and every thing,

I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,

Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.

Do not extort thy reasons from this clause, 150

For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause,

But rather reason thus with reason fetter,

Love sought is good, but given unsought better.

VIOLA By innocence I swear, and by my youth

I have one heart, one bosom and one truth, 155

And that no woman has; nor never none

Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.

And so adieu, good madam: never more

Will I my master's tears to you deplore.

OLIVIA Yet come again; for thou perhaps mayst move 160

That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.

[Exeunt]

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VIOLA		Save thee, friend, and thy music: dost thou live by
		thy tabour?

Clown	No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for	5
	I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by
	the church.

VIOLA	So thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a
	beggar dwell near him; or, the church stands by thy
	tabour, if thy tabour stand by the church.	10

Clown		You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is
		but a cheveril glove to a good wit: how quickly the
		wrong side may be turned outward!

VIOLA		Nay, that's certain; they that dally nicely with
		words may quickly make them wanton.	15

Clown	Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that
	word might make my sister wanton. But indeed words
	are very rascals since bonds disgraced them.	20

Clown		Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and
		words are grown so false, I am loath to prove
		reason with them.

Clown		Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my
		conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be
		to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.

Clown	No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she	30
	will keep no fool, sir, till she be married; and
	fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to
	herrings; the husband's the bigger: I am indeed not
	her fool, but her corrupter of words.

Clown		Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun,
		it shines every where. I would be sorry, sir, but
		the fool should be as oft with your master as with
		my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.

VIOLA		Nay, an thou pass upon me, I'll no more with thee.	40
		Hold, there's expenses for thee.

VIOLA	By my troth, I'll tell thee, I am almost sick for
	one;
	[Aside]
	though I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy	45
	lady within?

Clown		I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring
		a Cressida to this Troilus.	50

Clown	The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but
	a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is
	within, sir. I will construe to them whence you
	come; who you are and what you would are out of my	55
	welkin, I might say 'element,' but the word is over-worn.
	[Exit]

VIOLA	This fellow is wise enough to play the fool;
	And to do that well craves a kind of wit:
	He must observe their mood on whom he jests,
	The quality of persons, and the time,	60
	And, like the haggard, cheque at every feather
	That comes before his eye. This is a practise
	As full of labour as a wise man's art
	For folly that he wisely shows is fit;
	But wise men, folly-fall'n, quite taint their wit.	65
	[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW]

SIR TOBY BELCH		Will you encounter the house? my niece is desirous
		you should enter, if your trade be to her.

VIOLA		I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the
		list of my voyage.

VIOLA		My legs do better understand me, sir, than I
		understand what you mean by bidding me taste my legs.

VIOLA	I will answer you with gait and entrance. But we
	are prevented.	80
	[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA]
	Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain
	odours on you!

VIOLA		My matter hath no voice, to your own most pregnant
		and vouchsafed ear.	85

SIR ANDREW		'Odours,' 'pregnant' and 'vouchsafed:' I'll get 'em
		all three all ready.

OLIVIA		Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to my hearing.
		[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and MARIA]
		Give me your hand, sir.

OLIVIA	My servant, sir! 'Twas never merry world
	Since lowly feigning was call'd compliment:
	You're servant to the Count Orsino, youth.	95

VIOLA		And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:
		Your servant's servant is your servant, madam.

OLIVIA		For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts,
		Would they were blanks, rather than fill'd with me!

VIOLA		Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts	100
		On his behalf.

OLIVIA	O, by your leave, I pray you,
	I bade you never speak again of him:
	But, would you undertake another suit,
	I had rather hear you to solicit that
	Than music from the spheres.	105

OLIVIA	Give me leave, beseech you. I did send,
	After the last enchantment you did here,
	A ring in chase of you: so did I abuse
	Myself, my servant and, I fear me, you:	110
	Under your hard construction must I sit,
	To force that on you, in a shameful cunning,
	Which you knew none of yours: what might you think?
	Have you not set mine honour at the stake
	And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts	115
	That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving
	Enough is shown: a cypress, not a bosom,
	Hideth my heart. So, let me hear you speak.

VIOLA		No, not a grize; for 'tis a vulgar proof,	120
		That very oft we pity enemies.

OLIVIA	Why, then, methinks 'tis time to smile again.
	O, world, how apt the poor are to be proud!
	If one should be a prey, how much the better
	To fall before the lion than the wolf!	125
	[Clock strikes]
	The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.
	Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you:
	And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest,
	Your were is alike to reap a proper man:
	There lies your way, due west.	130