The First Web Folio Edition of Shakespeare's Works
| A bedchamber in the Lord's house. |
| [Enter aloft SLY, with Attendants; some with apparel, | ||
| others with basin and ewer and appurtenances; and Lord] |
| SLY | For God's sake, a pot of small ale. |
| First Servant | Will't please your lordship drink a cup of sack? |
| Second Servant | Will't please your honour taste of these conserves? |
| Third Servant | What raiment will your honour wear to-day? |
| SLY | I am Christophero Sly; call not me 'honour' nor | 5 | |
| 'lordship:' I ne'er drank sack in my life; and if | |||
| you give me any conserves, give me conserves of | |||
| beef: ne'er ask me what raiment I'll wear; for I | |||
| have no more doublets than backs, no more stockings | |||
| than legs, nor no more shoes than feet; nay, | 10 | ||
| sometimes more feet than shoes, or such shoes as my | |||
| toes look through the over-leather. |
| Lord | Heaven cease this idle humour in your honour! | ||
| O, that a mighty man of such descent, | |||
| Of such possessions and so high esteem, | 15 | ||
| Should be infused with so foul a spirit! |
| SLY | What, would you make me mad? Am not I Christopher | ||
| Sly, old Sly's son of Burtonheath, by birth a | |||
| pedlar, by education a cardmaker, by transmutation a | |||
| bear-herd, and now by present profession a tinker? | 20 | ||
| Ask Marian Hacket, the fat ale-wife of Wincot, if | |||
| she know me not: if she say I am not fourteen pence | |||
| on the score for sheer ale, score me up for the | |||
| lyingest knave in Christendom. What! I am not | |||
| bestraught: here's-- | 25 |
| Third Servant | O, this it is that makes your lady mourn! |
| Second Servant | O, this is it that makes your servants droop! |
| Lord | Hence comes it that your kindred shuns your house, | ||
| As beaten hence by your strange lunacy. | |||
| O noble lord, bethink thee of thy birth, | 30 | ||
| Call home thy ancient thoughts from banishment | |||
| And banish hence these abject lowly dreams. | |||
| Look how thy servants do attend on thee, | |||
| Each in his office ready at thy beck. | |||
| Wilt thou have music? hark! Apollo plays, | 35 | ||
| [Music] | |||
| And twenty caged nightingales do sing: | |||
| Or wilt thou sleep? we'll have thee to a couch | |||
| Softer and sweeter than the lustful bed | |||
| On purpose trimm'd up for Semiramis. | |||
| Say thou wilt walk; we will bestrew the ground: | 40 | ||
| Or wilt thou ride? thy horses shall be trapp'd, | |||
| Their harness studded all with gold and pearl. | |||
| Dost thou love hawking? thou hast hawks will soar | |||
| Above the morning lark or wilt thou hunt? | |||
| Thy hounds shall make the welkin answer them | 45 | ||
| And fetch shrill echoes from the hollow earth. |
| First Servant | Say thou wilt course; thy greyhounds are as swift | ||
| As breathed stags, ay, fleeter than the roe. |
| Second Servant | Dost thou love pictures? we will fetch thee straight | ||
| Adonis painted by a running brook, | 50 | ||
| And Cytherea all in sedges hid, | |||
| Which seem to move and wanton with her breath, | |||
| Even as the waving sedges play with wind. |
| Lord | We'll show thee Io as she was a maid, | ||
| And how she was beguiled and surprised, | 55 | ||
| As lively painted as the deed was done. |
| Third Servant | Or Daphne roaming through a thorny wood, | ||
| Scratching her legs that one shall swear she bleeds, | |||
| And at that sight shall sad Apollo weep, | |||
| So workmanly the blood and tears are drawn. | 60 |
| Lord | Thou art a lord, and nothing but a lord: | ||
| Thou hast a lady far more beautiful | |||
| Than any woman in this waning age. |
| First Servant | And till the tears that she hath shed for thee | ||
| Like envious floods o'er-run her lovely face, | 65 | ||
| She was the fairest creature in the world; | |||
| And yet she is inferior to none. |
| SLY | Am I a lord? and have I such a lady? | ||
| Or do I dream? or have I dream'd till now? | |||
| I do not sleep: I see, I hear, I speak; | 70 | ||
| I smell sweet savours and I feel soft things: | |||
| Upon my life, I am a lord indeed | |||
| And not a tinker nor Christophero Sly. | |||
| Well, bring our lady hither to our sight; | |||
| And once again, a pot o' the smallest ale. | 75 |
| Second Servant | Will't please your mightiness to wash your hands? | ||
| O, how we joy to see your wit restored! | |||
| O, that once more you knew but what you are! | |||
| These fifteen years you have been in a dream; | |||
| Or when you waked, so waked as if you slept. | 80 |
| SLY | These fifteen years! by my fay, a goodly nap. | ||
| But did I never speak of all that time? |
| First Servant | O, yes, my lord, but very idle words: | ||
| For though you lay here in this goodly chamber, | |||
| Yet would you say ye were beaten out of door; | 85 | ||
| And rail upon the hostess of the house; | |||
| And say you would present her at the leet, | |||
| Because she brought stone jugs and no seal'd quarts: | |||
| Sometimes you would call out for Cicely Hacket. |
| SLY | Ay, the woman's maid of the house. | 90 |
| Third Servant | Why, sir, you know no house nor no such maid, | ||
| Nor no such men as you have reckon'd up, | |||
| As Stephen Sly and did John Naps of Greece | |||
| And Peter Turph and Henry Pimpernell | |||
| And twenty more such names and men as these | 95 | ||
| Which never were nor no man ever saw. |
| SLY | Now Lord be thanked for my good amends! |
| ALL | Amen. |
| SLY | I thank thee: thou shalt not lose by it. | ||
| [Enter the Page as a lady, with attendants] |
| Page | How fares my noble lord? | 100 |
| SLY | Marry, I fare well for here is cheer enough. | ||
| Where is my wife? |
| Page | Here, noble lord: what is thy will with her? |
| SLY | Are you my wife and will not call me husband? | ||
| My men should call me 'lord:' I am your goodman. | 105 |
| Page | My husband and my lord, my lord and husband; | ||
| I am your wife in all obedience. |
| SLY | I know it well. What must I call her? |
| Lord | Madam. |
| SLY | Al'ce madam, or Joan madam? | 110 |
| Lord | 'Madam,' and nothing else: so lords | ||
| call ladies. |
| SLY | Madam wife, they say that I have dream'd | ||
| And slept above some fifteen year or more. |
| Page | Ay, and the time seems thirty unto me, | 115 | |
| Being all this time abandon'd from your bed. |
| SLY | 'Tis much. Servants, leave me and her alone. | ||
| Madam, undress you and come now to bed. |
| Page | Thrice noble lord, let me entreat of you | ||
| To pardon me yet for a night or two, | 120 | ||
| Or, if not so, until the sun be set: | |||
| For your physicians have expressly charged, | |||
| In peril to incur your former malady, | |||
| That I should yet absent me from your bed: | |||
| I hope this reason stands for my excuse. | 125 |
| SLY | Ay, it stands so that I may hardly | ||
| tarry so long. But I would be loath to fall into | |||
| my dreams again: I will therefore tarry in | |||
| despite of the flesh and the blood. | |||
| [Enter a Messenger] |
| Messenger | Your honour's players, heating your amendment, | 130 | |
| Are come to play a pleasant comedy; | |||
| For so your doctors hold it very meet, | |||
| Seeing too much sadness hath congeal'd your blood, | |||
| And melancholy is the nurse of frenzy: | |||
| Therefore they thought it good you hear a play | 135 | ||
| And frame your mind to mirth and merriment, | |||
| Which bars a thousand harms and lengthens life. |
| SLY | Marry, I will, let them play it. Is not a | ||
| comondy a Christmas gambold or a tumbling-trick? |
| Page | No, my good lord; it is more pleasing stuff. | 140 |
| SLY | What, household stuff? |
| Page | It is a kind of history. |
| SLY | Well, well see't. Come, madam wife, sit by my side | ||
| and let the world slip: we shall ne'er be younger. | |||
| [Flourish] |
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