1 KING HENRY IV 4.2

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1 KING HENRY IV 4.2

A public road near Coventry.

[Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH]

FALSTAFF Bardolph, get thee before to Coventry; fill me a

bottle of sack: our soldiers shall march through;

we'll to Sutton Co'fil' tonight.

BARDOLPH Will you give me money, captain?

FALSTAFF Lay out, lay out. 5

BARDOLPH This bottle makes an angel.

FALSTAFF An if it do, take it for thy labour; and if it make

twenty, take them all; I'll answer the coinage. Bid

my lieutenant Peto meet me at town's end.

BARDOLPH I will, captain: farewell. 10

[Exit]

FALSTAFF If I be not ashamed of my soldiers, I am a soused

gurnet. I have misused the king's press damnably.

I have got, in exchange of a hundred and fifty

soldiers, three hundred and odd pounds. I press me

none but good house-holders, yeoman's sons; inquire 15

me out contracted bachelors, such as had been asked

twice on the banns; such a commodity of warm slaves,

as had as lieve hear the devil as a drum; such as

fear the report of a caliver worse than a struck

fowl or a hurt wild-duck. I pressed me none but such 20

toasts-and-butter, with hearts in their bellies no

bigger than pins' heads, and they have bought out

their services; and now my whole charge consists of

ancients, corporals, lieutenants, gentlemen of

companies, slaves as ragged as Lazarus in the 25

painted cloth, where the glutton's dogs licked his

sores; and such as indeed were never soldiers, but

discarded unjust serving-men, younger sons to

younger brothers, revolted tapsters and ostlers

trade-fallen, the cankers of a calm world and a 30

long peace, ten times more dishonourable ragged than

an old faced ancient: and such have I, to fill up

the rooms of them that have bought out their

services, that you would think that I had a hundred

and fifty tattered prodigals lately come from 35

swine-keeping, from eating draff and husks. A mad

fellow met me on the way and told me I had unloaded

all the gibbets and pressed the dead bodies. No eye

hath seen such scarecrows. I'll not march through

Coventry with them, that's flat: nay, and the 40

villains march wide betwixt the legs, as if they had

gyves on; for indeed I had the most of them out of

prison. There's but a shirt and a half in all my

company; and the half shirt is two napkins tacked

together and thrown over the shoulders like an 45

herald's coat without sleeves; and the shirt, to say

the truth, stolen from my host at Saint Alban's, or

the red-nose innkeeper of Daventry. But that's all

one; they'll find linen enough on every hedge.

[Enter the PRINCE and WESTMORELAND]

PRINCE HENRY How now, blown Jack! how now, quilt! 50

FALSTAFF What, Hal! how now, mad wag! what a devil dost thou

in Warwickshire? My good Lord of Westmoreland, I

cry you mercy: I thought your honour had already been

at Shrewsbury.

WESTMORELAND Faith, Sir John,'tis more than time that I were 55

there, and you too; but my powers are there already.

The king, I can tell you, looks for us all: we must

away all night.

FALSTAFF Tut, never fear me: I am as vigilant as a cat to

steal cream. 60

PRINCE HENRY I think, to steal cream indeed, for thy theft hath

already made thee butter. But tell me, Jack, whose

fellows are these that come after?

FALSTAFF Mine, Hal, mine.

PRINCE HENRY I did never see such pitiful rascals. 65

FALSTAFF Tut, tut; good enough to toss; food for powder, food

for powder; they'll fill a pit as well as better:

tush, man, mortal men, mortal men.

WESTMORELAND Ay, but, Sir John, methinks they are exceeding poor

and bare, too beggarly. 70

FALSTAFF 'Faith, for their poverty, I know not where they had

that; and for their bareness, I am sure they never

learned that of me.

PRINCE HENRY No I'll be sworn; unless you call three fingers on

the ribs bare. But, sirrah, make haste: Percy is 75

already in the field.

FALSTAFF What, is the king encamped?

WESTMORELAND He is, Sir John: I fear we shall stay too long.

FALSTAFF Well,

To the latter end of a fray and the beginning of a feast 80

Fits a dull fighter and a keen guest.

[Exeunt]

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FALSTAFF		Bardolph, get thee before to Coventry; fill me a
		bottle of sack: our soldiers shall march through;
		we'll to Sutton Co'fil' tonight.

FALSTAFF		An if it do, take it for thy labour; and if it make
		twenty, take them all; I'll answer the coinage. Bid
		my lieutenant Peto meet me at town's end.

FALSTAFF	If I be not ashamed of my soldiers, I am a soused
	gurnet. I have misused the king's press damnably.
	I have got, in exchange of a hundred and fifty
	soldiers, three hundred and odd pounds. I press me
	none but good house-holders, yeoman's sons; inquire	15
	me out contracted bachelors, such as had been asked
	twice on the banns; such a commodity of warm slaves,
	as had as lieve hear the devil as a drum; such as
	fear the report of a caliver worse than a struck
	fowl or a hurt wild-duck. I pressed me none but such	20
	toasts-and-butter, with hearts in their bellies no
	bigger than pins' heads, and they have bought out
	their services; and now my whole charge consists of
	ancients, corporals, lieutenants, gentlemen of
	companies, slaves as ragged as Lazarus in the	25
	painted cloth, where the glutton's dogs licked his
	sores; and such as indeed were never soldiers, but
	discarded unjust serving-men, younger sons to
	younger brothers, revolted tapsters and ostlers
	trade-fallen, the cankers of a calm world and a	30
	long peace, ten times more dishonourable ragged than
	an old faced ancient: and such have I, to fill up
	the rooms of them that have bought out their
	services, that you would think that I had a hundred
	and fifty tattered prodigals lately come from	35
	swine-keeping, from eating draff and husks. A mad
	fellow met me on the way and told me I had unloaded
	all the gibbets and pressed the dead bodies. No eye
	hath seen such scarecrows. I'll not march through
	Coventry with them, that's flat: nay, and the	40
	villains march wide betwixt the legs, as if they had
	gyves on; for indeed I had the most of them out of
	prison. There's but a shirt and a half in all my
	company; and the half shirt is two napkins tacked
	together and thrown over the shoulders like an	45
	herald's coat without sleeves; and the shirt, to say
	the truth, stolen from my host at Saint Alban's, or
	the red-nose innkeeper of Daventry. But that's all
	one; they'll find linen enough on every hedge.
	[Enter the PRINCE and WESTMORELAND]

FALSTAFF		What, Hal! how now, mad wag! what a devil dost thou
		in Warwickshire? My good Lord of Westmoreland, I
		cry you mercy: I thought your honour had already been
		at Shrewsbury.

WESTMORELAND	Faith, Sir John,'tis more than time that I were	55
	there, and you too; but my powers are there already.
	The king, I can tell you, looks for us all: we must
	away all night.

FALSTAFF		Tut, never fear me: I am as vigilant as a cat to
		steal cream.	60

PRINCE HENRY		I think, to steal cream indeed, for thy theft hath
		already made thee butter. But tell me, Jack, whose
		fellows are these that come after?

FALSTAFF		Tut, tut; good enough to toss; food for powder, food
		for powder; they'll fill a pit as well as better:
		tush, man, mortal men, mortal men.

WESTMORELAND		Ay, but, Sir John, methinks they are exceeding poor
		and bare, too beggarly.	70

FALSTAFF		'Faith, for their poverty, I know not where they had
		that; and for their bareness, I am sure they never
		learned that of me.

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PRINCE HENRY	No I'll be sworn; unless you call three fingers on
	the ribs bare. But, sirrah, make haste: Percy is	75
	already in the field.

FALSTAFF	Well,
	To the latter end of a fray and the beginning of a feast	80
	Fits a dull fighter and a keen guest.
	[Exeunt]