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| The Boar's-Head Tavern, Eastcheap. |
| [Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS] |
| PRINCE HENRY | Ned, prithee, come out of that fat room, and lend me | ||
| thy hand to laugh a little. |
| POINS | Where hast been, Hal? |
| PRINCE HENRY | With three or four loggerheads amongst three or four | ||
| score hogsheads. I have sounded the very | 5 | ||
| base-string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother | |||
| to a leash of drawers; and can call them all by | |||
| their christen names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis. | |||
| They take it already upon their salvation, that | |||
| though I be but the prince of Wales, yet I am king | 10 | ||
| of courtesy; and tell me flatly I am no proud Jack, | |||
| like Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a | |||
| good boy, by the Lord, so they call me, and when I | |||
| am king of England, I shall command all the good | |||
| lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking deep, dyeing | 15 | ||
| scarlet; and when you breathe in your watering, they | |||
| cry 'hem!' and bid you play it off. To conclude, I | |||
| am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour, | |||
| that I can drink with any tinker in his own language | |||
| during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost | 20 | ||
| much honour, that thou wert not with me in this sweet | |||
| action. But, sweet Ned,--to sweeten which name of | |||
| Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapped | |||
| even now into my hand by an under-skinker, one that | |||
| never spake other English in his life than 'Eight | 25 | ||
| shillings and sixpence' and 'You are welcome,' with | |||
| this shrill addition, 'Anon, anon, sir! Score a pint | |||
| of bastard in the Half-Moon,' or so. But, Ned, to | |||
| drive away the time till Falstaff come, I prithee, | |||
| do thou stand in some by-room, while I question my | 30 | ||
| puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar; and do | |||
| thou never leave calling 'Francis,' that his tale | |||
| to me may be nothing but 'Anon.' Step aside, and | |||
| I'll show thee a precedent. |
| POINS | Francis! | 35 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Thou art perfect. |
| POINS | Francis! | ||
| [Exit POINS] | |||
| [Enter FRANCIS] |
| FRANCIS | Anon, anon, sir. Look down into the Pomgarnet, Ralph. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Come hither, Francis. |
| FRANCIS | My lord? | 40 |
| PRINCE HENRY | How long hast thou to serve, Francis? |
| FRANCIS | Forsooth, five years, and as much as to-- |
| POINS | [Within] Francis! |
| FRANCIS | Anon, anon, sir. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Five year! by'r lady, a long lease for the clinking | 45 | |
| of pewter. But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant | |||
| as to play the coward with thy indenture and show it | |||
| a fair pair of heels and run from it? |
| FRANCIS | O Lord, sir, I'll be sworn upon all the books in | ||
| England, I could find in my heart. | 50 |
| POINS | [Within] Francis! |
| FRANCIS | Anon, sir. |
| PRINCE HENRY | How old art thou, Francis? |
| FRANCIS | Let me see--about Michaelmas next I shall be-- |
| POINS | [Within] Francis! | 55 |
| FRANCIS | Anon, sir. Pray stay a little, my lord. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Nay, but hark you, Francis: for the sugar thou | ||
| gavest me,'twas a pennyworth, wast't not? |
| FRANCIS | O Lord, I would it had been two! |
| PRINCE HENRY | I will give thee for it a thousand pound: ask me | 60 | |
| when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it. |
| POINS | [Within] Francis! |
| FRANCIS | Anon, anon. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Anon, Francis? No, Francis; but to-morrow, Francis; | ||
| or, Francis, o' Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when | 65 | ||
| thou wilt. But, Francis! |
| FRANCIS | My lord? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-button, | ||
| not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, | |||
| smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch,-- | 70 |
| FRANCIS | O Lord, sir, who do you mean? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink; | ||
| for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet | |||
| will sully: in Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much. |
| FRANCIS | What, sir? | 75 |
| POINS | [Within] Francis! |
| PRINCE HENRY | Away, you rogue! dost thou not hear them call? | ||
| [Here they both call him; the drawer stands amazed, | |||
| not knowing which way to go] | |||
| [Enter Vintner] |
| Vintner | What, standest thou still, and hearest such a | ||
| calling? Look to the guests within. | |||
| [Exit Francis] | |||
| My lord, old Sir John, with half-a-dozen more, are | 80 | ||
| at the door: shall I let them in? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Let them alone awhile, and then open the door. | ||
| [Exit Vintner] | |||
| Poins! | |||
| [Re-enter POINS] |
| POINS | Anon, anon, sir. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at | ||
| the door: shall we be merry? | 85 |
| POINS | As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye; what | ||
| cunning match have you made with this jest of the | |||
| drawer? come, what's the issue? |
| PRINCE HENRY | I am now of all humours that have showed themselves | ||
| humours since the old days of goodman Adam to the | 90 | ||
| pupil age of this present twelve o'clock at midnight. | |||
| [Re-enter FRANCIS] | |||
| What's o'clock, Francis? |
| FRANCIS | Anon, anon, sir. | ||
| [Exit] |
| PRINCE HENRY | That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a | ||
| parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is | 95 | ||
| upstairs and downstairs; his eloquence the parcel of | |||
| a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy's mind, the | |||
| Hotspur of the north; he that kills me some six or | |||
| seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his | |||
| hands, and says to his wife 'Fie upon this quiet | 100 | ||
| life! I want work.' 'O my sweet Harry,' says she, | |||
| 'how many hast thou killed to-day?' 'Give my roan | |||
| horse a drench,' says he; and answers 'Some | |||
| fourteen,' an hour after; 'a trifle, a trifle.' I | |||
| prithee, call in Falstaff: I'll play Percy, and | 105 | ||
| that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer his | |||
| wife. 'Rivo!' says the drunkard. Call in ribs, call in tallow. | |||
| [Enter FALSTAFF, GADSHILL, BARDOLPH, and PETO; | |||
| FRANCIS following with wine] |
| POINS | Welcome, Jack: where hast thou been? |
| FALSTAFF | A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! | ||
| marry, and amen! Give me a cup of sack, boy. Ere I | 110 | ||
| lead this life long, I'll sew nether stocks and mend | |||
| them and foot them too. A plague of all cowards! | |||
| Give me a cup of sack, rogue. Is there no virtue extant? | |||
| [He drinks] |
| PRINCE HENRY | Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter? | ||
| pitiful-hearted Titan, that melted at the sweet tale | 115 | ||
| of the sun's! if thou didst, then behold that compound. |
| FALSTAFF | You rogue, here's lime in this sack too: there is | ||
| nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man: | |||
| yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime | |||
| in it. A villanous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack; | 120 | ||
| die when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood, be | |||
| not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a | |||
| shotten herring. There live not three good men | |||
| unhanged in England; and one of them is fat and | |||
| grows old: God help the while! a bad world, I say. | 125 | ||
| I would I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or any | |||
| thing. A plague of all cowards, I say still. |
| PRINCE HENRY | How now, wool-sack! what mutter you? |
| FALSTAFF | A king's son! If I do not beat thee out of thy | ||
| kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy | 130 | ||
| subjects afore thee like a flock of wild-geese, | |||
| I'll never wear hair on my face more. You Prince of Wales! |
| PRINCE HENRY | Why, you whoreson round man, what's the matter? |
| FALSTAFF | Are not you a coward? answer me to that: and Poins there? |
| POINS | 'Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, by the | 135 | |
| Lord, I'll stab thee. |
| FALSTAFF | I call thee coward! I'll see thee damned ere I call | ||
| thee coward: but I would give a thousand pound I | |||
| could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight | |||
| enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees your | 140 | ||
| back: call you that backing of your friends? A | |||
| plague upon such backing! give me them that will | |||
| face me. Give me a cup of sack: I am a rogue, if I | |||
| drunk to-day. |
| PRINCE HENRY | O villain! thy lips are scarce wiped since thou | 145 | |
| drunkest last. |
| FALSTAFF | All's one for that. | ||
| [He drinks] | |||
| A plague of all cowards, still say I. |
| PRINCE HENRY | What's the matter? |
| FALSTAFF | What's the matter! there be four of us here have | 150 | |
| ta'en a thousand pound this day morning. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Where is it, Jack? where is it? |
| FALSTAFF | Where is it! taken from us it is: a hundred upon | ||
| poor four of us. |
| PRINCE HENRY | What, a hundred, man? | 155 |
| FALSTAFF | I am a rogue, if I were not at half-sword with a | ||
| dozen of them two hours together. I have 'scaped by | |||
| miracle. I am eight times thrust through the | |||
| doublet, four through the hose; my buckler cut | |||
| through and through; my sword hacked like a | 160 | ||
| hand-saw--ecce signum! I never dealt better since | |||
| I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all | |||
| cowards! Let them speak: if they speak more or | |||
| less than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Speak, sirs; how was it? | 165 |
| GADSHILL | We four set upon some dozen-- |
| FALSTAFF | Sixteen at least, my lord. |
| GADSHILL | And bound them. |
| PETO | No, no, they were not bound. |
| FALSTAFF | You rogue, they were bound, every man of them; or I | 170 | |
| am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew. |
| GADSHILL | As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us-- |
| FALSTAFF | And unbound the rest, and then come in the other. |
| PRINCE HENRY | What, fought you with them all? |
| FALSTAFF | All! I know not what you call all; but if I fought | 175 | |
| not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish: if | |||
| there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old | |||
| Jack, then am I no two-legged creature. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Pray God you have not murdered some of them. |
| FALSTAFF | Nay, that's past praying for: I have peppered two | 180 | |
| of them; two I am sure I have paid, two rogues | |||
| in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell | |||
| thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou | |||
| knowest my old ward; here I lay and thus I bore my | |||
| point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me-- | 185 |
| PRINCE HENRY | What, four? thou saidst but two even now. |
| FALSTAFF | Four, Hal; I told thee four. |
| POINS | Ay, ay, he said four. |
| FALSTAFF | These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at | ||
| me. I made me no more ado but took all their seven | 190 | ||
| points in my target, thus. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Seven? why, there were but four even now. |
| FALSTAFF | In buckram? |
| POINS | Ay, four, in buckram suits. |
| FALSTAFF | Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else. | 195 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Prithee, let him alone; we shall have more anon. |
| FALSTAFF | Dost thou hear me, Hal? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Ay, and mark thee too, Jack. |
| FALSTAFF | Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine | ||
| in buckram that I told thee of-- | 200 |
| PRINCE HENRY | So, two more already. |
| FALSTAFF | Their points being broken,-- |
| POINS | Down fell their hose. |
| FALSTAFF | Began to give me ground: but I followed me close, | ||
| came in foot and hand; and with a thought seven of | 205 | ||
| the eleven I paid. |
| PRINCE HENRY | O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two! |
| FALSTAFF | But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten | ||
| knaves in Kendal green came at my back and let drive | |||
| at me; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst | 210 | ||
| not see thy hand. |
| PRINCE HENRY | These lies are like their father that begets them; | ||
| gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou | |||
| clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou | |||
| whoreson, obscene, grease tallow-catch,-- | 215 |
| FALSTAFF | What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth | ||
| the truth? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal | ||
| green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy | |||
| hand? come, tell us your reason: what sayest thou to this? | 220 |
| POINS | Come, your reason, Jack, your reason. |
| FALSTAFF | What, upon compulsion? 'Zounds, an I were at the | ||
| strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would | |||
| not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on | |||
| compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as | 225 | ||
| blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon | |||
| compulsion, I. |
| PRINCE HENRY | I'll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine | ||
| coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, | |||
| this huge hill of flesh,-- | 230 |
| FALSTAFF | 'Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried | ||
| neat's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish! O | |||
| for breath to utter what is like thee! you | |||
| tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile | |||
| standing-tuck,-- | 235 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again: and | ||
| when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, | |||
| hear me speak but this. |
| POINS | Mark, Jack. |
| PRINCE HENRY | We two saw you four set on four and bound them, and | 240 | |
| were masters of their wealth. Mark now, how a plain | |||
| tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you | |||
| four; and, with a word, out-faced you from your | |||
| prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in | |||
| the house: and, Falstaff, you carried your guts | 245 | ||
| away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared | |||
| for mercy and still run and roared, as ever I heard | |||
| bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword | |||
| as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! | |||
| What trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst | 250 | ||
| thou now find out to hide thee from this open and | |||
| apparent shame? |
| POINS | Come, let's hear, Jack; what trick hast thou now? |
| FALSTAFF | By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye. | ||
| Why, hear you, my masters: was it for me to kill the | 255 | ||
| heir-apparent? should I turn upon the true prince? | |||
| why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules: but | |||
| beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true | |||
| prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was now a | |||
| coward on instinct. I shall think the better of | 260 | ||
| myself and thee during my life; I for a valiant | |||
| lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord, | |||
| lads, I am glad you have the money. Hostess, clap | |||
| to the doors: watch to-night, pray to-morrow. | |||
| Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles | 265 | ||
| of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be | |||
| merry? shall we have a play extempore? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Content; and the argument shall be thy running away. |
| FALSTAFF | Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me! | ||
| [Enter Hostess] |
| Hostess | O Jesu, my lord the prince! | 270 |
| PRINCE HENRY | How now, my lady the hostess! what sayest thou to | ||
| me? |
| Hostess | Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at | ||
| door would speak with you: he says he comes from | |||
| your father. | 275 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and | ||
| send him back again to my mother. |
| FALSTAFF | What manner of man is he? |
| Hostess | An old man. |
| FALSTAFF | What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall | 280 | |
| I give him his answer? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Prithee, do, Jack. |
| FALSTAFF | 'Faith, and I'll send him packing. | ||
| [Exit FALSTAFF] |
| PRINCE HENRY | Now, sirs: by'r lady, you fought fair; so did you, | ||
| Peto; so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too, you | 285 | ||
| ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true | |||
| prince; no, fie! |
| BARDOLPH | 'Faith, I ran when I saw others run. |
| PRINCE HENRY | 'Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff's | ||
| sword so hacked? | 290 |
| PETO | Why, he hacked it with his dagger, and said he would | ||
| swear truth out of England but he would make you | |||
| believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do the like. |
| BARDOLPH | Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear-grass to | ||
| make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments | 295 | ||
| with it and swear it was the blood of true men. I | |||
| did that I did not this seven year before, I blushed | |||
| to hear his monstrous devices. |
| PRINCE HENRY | O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years | ||
| ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since | 300 | ||
| thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire and | |||
| sword on thy side, and yet thou rannest away: what | |||
| instinct hadst thou for it? |
| BARDOLPH | My lord, do you see these meteors? do you behold | ||
| these exhalations? | 305 |
| PRINCE HENRY | I do. |
| BARDOLPH | What think you they portend? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Hot livers and cold purses. |
| BARDOLPH | Choler, my lord, if rightly taken. |
| PRINCE HENRY | No, if rightly taken, halter. | 310 | |
| [Re-enter FALSTAFF] | |||
| Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-bone. | |||
| How now, my sweet creature of bombast! | |||
| How long is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee? |
| FALSTAFF | My own knee! when I was about thy years, Hal, I was | ||
| not an eagle's talon in the waist; I could have | 315 | ||
| crept into any alderman's thumb-ring: a plague of | |||
| sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a | |||
| bladder. There's villanous news abroad: here was | |||
| Sir John Bracy from your father; you must to the | |||
| court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the | 320 | ||
| north, Percy, and he of Wales, that gave Amamon the | |||
| bastinado and made Lucifer cuckold and swore the | |||
| devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh | |||
| hook--what a plague call you him? |
| POINS | O, Glendower. | 325 |
| FALSTAFF | Owen, Owen, the same; and his son-in-law Mortimer, | ||
| and old Northumberland, and that sprightly Scot of | |||
| Scots, Douglas, that runs o' horseback up a hill | |||
| perpendicular,-- |
| PRINCE HENRY | He that rides at high speed and with his pistol | 330 | |
| kills a sparrow flying. |
| FALSTAFF | You have hit it. |
| PRINCE HENRY | So did he never the sparrow. |
| FALSTAFF | Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him; he will not run. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so | 335 | |
| for running! |
| FALSTAFF | O' horseback, ye cuckoo; but afoot he will not budge a foot. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Yes, Jack, upon instinct. |
| FALSTAFF | I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, | ||
| and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more: | 340 | ||
| Worcester is stolen away to-night; thy father's | |||
| beard is turned white with the news: you may buy | |||
| land now as cheap as stinking mackerel. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Why, then, it is like, if there come a hot June and | ||
| this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads | 345 | ||
| as they buy hob-nails, by the hundreds. |
| FALSTAFF | By the mass, lad, thou sayest true; it is like we | ||
| shall have good trading that way. But tell me, Hal, | |||
| art not thou horrible afeard? thou being | |||
| heir-apparent, could the world pick thee out three | 350 | ||
| such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that | |||
| spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou | |||
| not horribly afraid? doth not thy blood thrill at | |||
| it? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Not a whit, i' faith; I lack some of thy instinct. | 355 |
| FALSTAFF | Well, thou wert be horribly chid tomorrow when thou | ||
| comest to thy father: if thou love me, practise an answer. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Do thou stand for my father, and examine me upon the | ||
| particulars of my life. |
| FALSTAFF | Shall I? content: this chair shall be my state, | 360 | |
| this dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Thy state is taken for a joined-stool, thy golden | ||
| sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich | |||
| crown for a pitiful bald crown! |
| FALSTAFF | Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, | 365 | |
| now shalt thou be moved. Give me a cup of sack to | |||
| make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I have | |||
| wept; for I must speak in passion, and I will do it | |||
| in King Cambyses' vein. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Well, here is my leg. | 370 |
| FALSTAFF | And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility. |
| Hostess | O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i' faith! |
| FALSTAFF | Weep not, sweet queen; for trickling tears are vain. |
| Hostess | O, the father, how he holds his countenance! |
| FALSTAFF | For God's sake, lords, convey my tristful queen; | 375 | |
| For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes. |
| Hostess | O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry | ||
| players as ever I see! |
| FALSTAFF | Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good tickle-brain. | ||
| Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy | 380 | ||
| time, but also how thou art accompanied: for though | |||
| the camomile, the more it is trodden on the faster | |||
| it grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted the | |||
| sooner it wears. That thou art my son, I have | |||
| partly thy mother's word, partly my own opinion, | 385 | ||
| but chiefly a villanous trick of thine eye and a | |||
| foolish-hanging of thy nether lip, that doth warrant | |||
| me. If then thou be son to me, here lies the point; | |||
| why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall | |||
| the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher and eat | 390 | ||
| blackberries? a question not to be asked. Shall | |||
| the sun of England prove a thief and take purses? a | |||
| question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry, | |||
| which thou hast often heard of and it is known to | |||
| many in our land by the name of pitch: this pitch, | 395 | ||
| as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth | |||
| the company thou keepest: for, Harry, now I do not | |||
| speak to thee in drink but in tears, not in | |||
| pleasure but in passion, not in words only, but in | |||
| woes also: and yet there is a virtuous man whom I | 400 | ||
| have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name. |
| PRINCE HENRY | What manner of man, an it like your majesty? |
| FALSTAFF | A goodly portly man, i' faith, and a corpulent; of a | ||
| cheerful look, a pleasing eye and a most noble | |||
| carriage; and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, | 405 | ||
| by'r lady, inclining to three score; and now I | |||
| remember me, his name is Falstaff: if that man | |||
| should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me; for, Harry, | |||
| I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be | |||
| known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then, | 410 | ||
| peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue in that | |||
| Falstaff: him keep with, the rest banish. And tell | |||
| me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast | |||
| thou been this month? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, | 415 | |
| and I'll play my father. |
| FALSTAFF | Depose me? if thou dost it half so gravely, so | ||
| majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by | |||
| the heels for a rabbit-sucker or a poulter's hare. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Well, here I am set. | 420 |
| FALSTAFF | And here I stand: judge, my masters. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Now, Harry, whence come you? |
| FALSTAFF | My noble lord, from Eastcheap. |
| PRINCE HENRY | The complaints I hear of thee are grievous. |
| FALSTAFF | 'Sblood, my lord, they are false: nay, I'll tickle | 425 | |
| ye for a young prince, i' faith. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Swearest thou, ungracious boy? henceforth ne'er look | ||
| on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace: | |||
| there is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an | |||
| old fat man; a tun of man is thy companion. Why | 430 | ||
| dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that | |||
| bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel | |||
| of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed | |||
| cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with | |||
| the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that | 435 | ||
| grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in | |||
| years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and | |||
| drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a | |||
| capon and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft? | |||
| wherein crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous, | 440 | ||
| but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing? |
| FALSTAFF | I would your grace would take me with you: whom | ||
| means your grace? |
| PRINCE HENRY | That villanous abominable misleader of youth, | ||
| Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan. | 445 |
| FALSTAFF | My lord, the man I know. |
| PRINCE HENRY | I know thou dost. |
| FALSTAFF | But to say I know more harm in him than in myself, | ||
| were to say more than I know. That he is old, the | |||
| more the pity, his white hairs do witness it; but | 450 | ||
| that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster, | |||
| that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault, | |||
| God help the wicked! if to be old and merry be a | |||
| sin, then many an old host that I know is damned: if | |||
| to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh's lean kine | 455 | ||
| are to be loved. No, my good lord; banish Peto, | |||
| banish Bardolph, banish Poins: but for sweet Jack | |||
| Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, | |||
| valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant, | |||
| being, as he is, old Jack Falstaff, banish not him | 460 | ||
| thy Harry's company, banish not him thy Harry's | |||
| company: banish plump Jack, and banish all the world. |
| PRINCE HENRY | I do, I will. | ||
| [A knocking heard] | |||
| [Exeunt Hostess, FRANCIS, and BARDOLPH] | |||
| [Re-enter BARDOLPH, running] |
| BARDOLPH | O, my lord, my lord! the sheriff with a most | ||
| monstrous watch is at the door. | 465 |
| FALSTAFF | Out, ye rogue! Play out the play: I have much to | ||
| say in the behalf of that Falstaff. | |||
| [Re-enter the Hostess] |
| Hostess | O Jesu, my lord, my lord! |
| PRINCE HENRY | Heigh, heigh! the devil rides upon a fiddlestick: | ||
| what's the matter? | 470 |
| Hostess | The sheriff and all the watch are at the door: they | ||
| are come to search the house. Shall I let them in? |
| FALSTAFF | Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of | ||
| gold a counterfeit: thou art essentially mad, | |||
| without seeming so. | 475 |
| PRINCE HENRY | And thou a natural coward, without instinct. |
| FALSTAFF | I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff, | ||
| so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a cart | |||
| as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up! | |||
| I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another. | 480 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Go, hide thee behind the arras: the rest walk up | ||
| above. Now, my masters, for a true face and good | |||
| conscience. |
| FALSTAFF | Both which I have had: but their date is out, and | ||
| therefore I'll hide me. | 485 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Call in the sheriff. | ||
| [Exeunt all except PRINCE HENRY and PETO] | |||
| [Enter Sheriff and the Carrier] | |||
| Now, master sheriff, what is your will with me? |
| Sheriff | First, pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry | ||
| Hath follow'd certain men unto this house. |
| PRINCE HENRY | What men? | 490 |
| Sheriff | One of them is well known, my gracious lord, | ||
| A gross fat man. |
| Carrier | As fat as butter. |
| PRINCE HENRY | The man, I do assure you, is not here; | ||
| For I myself at this time have employ'd him. | |||
| And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee | 495 | ||
| That I will, by to-morrow dinner-time, | |||
| Send him to answer thee, or any man, | |||
| For any thing he shall be charged withal: | |||
| And so let me entreat you leave the house. |
| Sheriff | I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen | 500 | |
| Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks. |
| PRINCE HENRY | It may be so: if he have robb'd these men, | ||
| He shall be answerable; and so farewell. |
| Sheriff | Good night, my noble lord. |
| PRINCE HENRY | I think it is good morrow, is it not? | 505 |
| Sheriff | Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o'clock. | ||
| [Exeunt Sheriff and Carrier] |
| PRINCE HENRY | This oily rascal is known as well as Paul's. Go, | ||
| call him forth. |
| PETO | Falstaff!--Fast asleep behind the arras, and | ||
| snorting like a horse. | 510 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets. | ||
| [He searcheth his pockets, and findeth certain papers] | |||
| What hast thou found? |
| PETO | Nothing but papers, my lord. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Let's see what they be: read them. |
| PETO | [Reads] Item, A capon,. . 2s. 2d. | 515 | |
| Item, Sauce,. . . 4d. | |||
| Item, Sack, two gallons, 5s. 8d. | |||
| Item, Anchovies and sack after supper, 2s. 6d. | |||
| Item, Bread, ob. |
| PRINCE HENRY | O monstrous! but one half-penny-worth of bread to | 520 | |
| this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, | |||
| keep close; we'll read it at more advantage: there | |||
| let him sleep till day. I'll to the court in the | |||
| morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place | |||
| shall be honourable. I'll procure this fat rogue a | 525 | ||
| charge of foot; and I know his death will be a | |||
| march of twelve-score. The money shall be paid | |||
| back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in | |||
| the morning; and so, good morrow, Peto. | |||
| [Exeunt] |
| PETO | Good morrow, good my lord. | 530 |
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