1 KING HENRY IV 1.2

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1 KING HENRY IV 1.2

London. An apartment of the Prince's.

[Enter the PRINCE OF WALES and FALSTAFF]

FALSTAFF Now, Hal, what time of day is it, lad?

PRINCE HENRY Thou art so fat-witted, with drinking of old sack

and unbuttoning thee after supper and sleeping upon

benches after noon, that thou hast forgotten to

demand that truly which thou wouldst truly know. 5

What a devil hast thou to do with the time of the

day? Unless hours were cups of sack and minutes

capons and clocks the tongues of bawds and dials the

signs of leaping-houses and the blessed sun himself

a fair hot wench in flame-coloured taffeta, I see no 10

reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to demand

the time of the day.

FALSTAFF Indeed, you come near me now, Hal; for we that take

purses go by the moon and the seven stars, and not

by Phoebus, he,'that wandering knight so fair.' And, 15

I prithee, sweet wag, when thou art king, as, God

save thy grace,--majesty I should say, for grace

thou wilt have none,--

PRINCE HENRY What, none?

FALSTAFF No, by my troth, not so much as will serve to 20

prologue to an egg and butter.

PRINCE HENRY Well, how then? come, roundly, roundly.

FALSTAFF Marry, then, sweet wag, when thou art king, let not

us that are squires of the night's body be called

thieves of the day's beauty: let us be Diana's 25

foresters, gentlemen of the shade, minions of the

moon; and let men say we be men of good government,

being governed, as the sea is, by our noble and

chaste mistress the moon, under whose countenance we steal.

PRINCE HENRY Thou sayest well, and it holds well too; for the 30

fortune of us that are the moon's men doth ebb and

flow like the sea, being governed, as the sea is,

by the moon. As, for proof, now: a purse of gold

most resolutely snatched on Monday night and most

dissolutely spent on Tuesday morning; got with 35

swearing 'Lay by' and spent with crying 'Bring in;'

now in as low an ebb as the foot of the ladder

and by and by in as high a flow as the ridge of the gallows.

FALSTAFF By the Lord, thou sayest true, lad. And is not my

hostess of the tavern a most sweet wench? 40

PRINCE HENRY As the honey of Hybla, my old lad of the castle. And

is not a buff jerkin a most sweet robe of durance?

FALSTAFF How now, how now, mad wag! what, in thy quips and

thy quiddities? what a plague have I to do with a

buff jerkin? 45

PRINCE HENRY Why, what a pox have I to do with my hostess of the tavern?

FALSTAFF Well, thou hast called her to a reckoning many a

time and oft.

PRINCE HENRY Did I ever call for thee to pay thy part?

FALSTAFF No; I'll give thee thy due, thou hast paid all there. 50

PRINCE HENRY Yea, and elsewhere, so far as my coin would stretch;

and where it would not, I have used my credit.

FALSTAFF Yea, and so used it that were it not here apparent

that thou art heir apparent--But, I prithee, sweet

wag, shall there be gallows standing in England when 55

thou art king? and resolution thus fobbed as it is

with the rusty curb of old father antic the law? Do

not thou, when thou art king, hang a thief.

PRINCE HENRY No; thou shalt.

FALSTAFF Shall I? O rare! By the Lord, I'll be a brave judge. 60

PRINCE HENRY Thou judgest false already: I mean, thou shalt have

the hanging of the thieves and so become a rare hangman.

FALSTAFF Well, Hal, well; and in some sort it jumps with my

humour as well as waiting in the court, I can tell

you. 65

PRINCE HENRY For obtaining of suits?

FALSTAFF Yea, for obtaining of suits, whereof the hangman

hath no lean wardrobe. 'Sblood, I am as melancholy

as a gib cat or a lugged bear.

PRINCE HENRY Or an old lion, or a lover's lute. 70

FALSTAFF Yea, or the drone of a Lincolnshire bagpipe.

PRINCE HENRY What sayest thou to a hare, or the melancholy of

Moor-ditch?

FALSTAFF Thou hast the most unsavoury similes and art indeed

the most comparative, rascalliest, sweet young 75

prince. But, Hal, I prithee, trouble me no more

with vanity. I would to God thou and I knew where a

commodity of good names were to be bought. An old

lord of the council rated me the other day in the

street about you, sir, but I marked him not; and yet 80

he talked very wisely, but I regarded him not; and

yet he talked wisely, and in the street too.

PRINCE HENRY Thou didst well; for wisdom cries out in the

streets, and no man regards it.

FALSTAFF O, thou hast damnable iteration and art indeed able 85

to corrupt a saint. Thou hast done much harm upon

me, Hal; God forgive thee for it! Before I knew

thee, Hal, I knew nothing; and now am I, if a man

should speak truly, little better than one of the

wicked. I must give over this life, and I will give 90

it over: by the Lord, and I do not, I am a villain:

I'll be damned for never a king's son in

Christendom.

PRINCE HENRY Where shall we take a purse tomorrow, Jack?

FALSTAFF 'Zounds, where thou wilt, lad; I'll make one; an I 95

do not, call me villain and baffle me.

PRINCE HENRY I see a good amendment of life in thee; from praying

to purse-taking.

FALSTAFF Why, Hal, 'tis my vocation, Hal; 'tis no sin for a

man to labour in his vocation. 100

[Enter POINS]

Poins! Now shall we know if Gadshill have set a

match. O, if men were to be saved by merit, what

hole in hell were hot enough for him? This is the

most omnipotent villain that ever cried 'Stand' to

a true man. 105

PRINCE HENRY Good morrow, Ned.

POINS Good morrow, sweet Hal. What says Monsieur Remorse?

what says Sir John Sack and Sugar? Jack! how

agrees the devil and thee about thy soul, that thou

soldest him on Good-Friday last for a cup of Madeira 110

and a cold capon's leg?

PRINCE HENRY Sir John stands to his word, the devil shall have

his bargain; for he was never yet a breaker of

proverbs: he will give the devil his due.

POINS Then art thou damned for keeping thy word with the devil. 115

PRINCE HENRY Else he had been damned for cozening the devil.

POINS But, my lads, my lads, to-morrow morning, by four

o'clock, early at Gadshill! there are pilgrims going

to Canterbury with rich offerings, and traders

riding to London with fat purses: I have vizards 120

for you all; you have horses for yourselves:

Gadshill lies to-night in Rochester: I have bespoke

supper to-morrow night in Eastcheap: we may do it

as secure as sleep. If you will go, I will stuff

your purses full of crowns; if you will not, tarry 125

at home and be hanged.

FALSTAFF Hear ye, Yedward; if I tarry at home and go not,

I'll hang you for going.

POINS You will, chops?

FALSTAFF Hal, wilt thou make one? 130

PRINCE HENRY Who, I rob? I a thief? not I, by my faith.

FALSTAFF There's neither honesty, manhood, nor good

fellowship in thee, nor thou camest not of the blood

royal, if thou darest not stand for ten shillings.

PRINCE HENRY Well then, once in my days I'll be a madcap. 135

FALSTAFF Why, that's well said.

PRINCE HENRY Well, come what will, I'll tarry at home.

FALSTAFF By the Lord, I'll be a traitor then, when thou art king.

PRINCE HENRY I care not.

POINS Sir John, I prithee, leave the prince and me alone: 140

I will lay him down such reasons for this adventure

that he shall go.

FALSTAFF Well, God give thee the spirit of persuasion and him

the ears of profiting, that what thou speakest may

move and what he hears may be believed, that the 145

true prince may, for recreation sake, prove a false

thief; for the poor abuses of the time want

countenance. Farewell: you shall find me in Eastcheap.

PRINCE HENRY Farewell, thou latter spring! farewell, All-hallown summer!

[Exit Falstaff]

POINS Now, my good sweet honey lord, ride with us 150

to-morrow: I have a jest to execute that I cannot

manage alone. Falstaff, Bardolph, Peto and Gadshill

shall rob those men that we have already waylaid:

yourself and I will not be there; and when they

have the booty, if you and I do not rob them, cut 155

this head off from my shoulders.

PRINCE HENRY How shall we part with them in setting forth?

POINS Why, we will set forth before or after them, and

appoint them a place of meeting, wherein it is at

our pleasure to fail, and then will they adventure 160

upon the exploit themselves; which they shall have

no sooner achieved, but we'll set upon them.

PRINCE HENRY Yea, but 'tis like that they will know us by our

horses, by our habits and by every other

appointment, to be ourselves. 165

POINS Tut! our horses they shall not see: I'll tie them

in the wood; our vizards we will change after we

leave them: and, sirrah, I have cases of buckram

for the nonce, to immask our noted outward garments.

PRINCE HENRY Yea, but I doubt they will be too hard for us. 170

POINS Well, for two of them, I know them to be as

true-bred cowards as ever turned back; and for the

third, if he fight longer than he sees reason, I'll

forswear arms. The virtue of this jest will be, the

incomprehensible lies that this same fat rogue will 175

tell us when we meet at supper: how thirty, at

least, he fought with; what wards, what blows, what

extremities he endured; and in the reproof of this

lies the jest.

PRINCE HENRY Well, I'll go with thee: provide us all things 180

necessary and meet me to-morrow night in Eastcheap;

there I'll sup. Farewell.

POINS Farewell, my lord.

[Exit Poins]

PRINCE HENRY I know you all, and will awhile uphold

The unyoked humour of your idleness: 185

Yet herein will I imitate the sun,

Who doth permit the base contagious clouds

To smother up his beauty from the world,

That, when he please again to be himself,

Being wanted, he may be more wonder'd at, 190

By breaking through the foul and ugly mists

Of vapours that did seem to strangle him.

If all the year were playing holidays,

To sport would be as tedious as to work;

But when they seldom come, they wish'd for come, 195

And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents.

So, when this loose behavior I throw off

And pay the debt I never promised,

By how much better than my word I am,

By so much shall I falsify men's hopes; 200

And like bright metal on a sullen ground,

My reformation, glittering o'er my fault,

Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes

Than that which hath no foil to set it off.

I'll so offend, to make offence a skill; 205

Redeeming time when men think least I will.

[Exit]

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PRINCE HENRY	Thou art so fat-witted, with drinking of old sack
	and unbuttoning thee after supper and sleeping upon
	benches after noon, that thou hast forgotten to
	demand that truly which thou wouldst truly know.	5
	What a devil hast thou to do with the time of the
	day? Unless hours were cups of sack and minutes
	capons and clocks the tongues of bawds and dials the
	signs of leaping-houses and the blessed sun himself
	a fair hot wench in flame-coloured taffeta, I see no	10
	reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to demand
	the time of the day.

FALSTAFF	Indeed, you come near me now, Hal; for we that take
	purses go by the moon and the seven stars, and not
	by Phoebus, he,'that wandering knight so fair.' And,	15
	I prithee, sweet wag, when thou art king, as, God
	save thy grace,--majesty I should say, for grace
	thou wilt have none,--

FALSTAFF		No, by my troth, not so much as will serve to	20
		prologue to an egg and butter.

FALSTAFF	Marry, then, sweet wag, when thou art king, let not
	us that are squires of the night's body be called
	thieves of the day's beauty: let us be Diana's	25
	foresters, gentlemen of the shade, minions of the
	moon; and let men say we be men of good government,
	being governed, as the sea is, by our noble and
	chaste mistress the moon, under whose countenance we steal.

PRINCE HENRY	Thou sayest well, and it holds well too; for the	30
	fortune of us that are the moon's men doth ebb and
	flow like the sea, being governed, as the sea is,
	by the moon. As, for proof, now: a purse of gold
	most resolutely snatched on Monday night and most
	dissolutely spent on Tuesday morning; got with	35
	swearing 'Lay by' and spent with crying 'Bring in;'
	now in as low an ebb as the foot of the ladder
	and by and by in as high a flow as the ridge of the gallows.

FALSTAFF		By the Lord, thou sayest true, lad. And is not my
		hostess of the tavern a most sweet wench?	40

PRINCE HENRY		As the honey of Hybla, my old lad of the castle. And
		is not a buff jerkin a most sweet robe of durance?

FALSTAFF	How now, how now, mad wag! what, in thy quips and
	thy quiddities? what a plague have I to do with a
	buff jerkin?	45

FALSTAFF		Well, thou hast called her to a reckoning many a
		time and oft.

PRINCE HENRY		Yea, and elsewhere, so far as my coin would stretch;
		and where it would not, I have used my credit.

FALSTAFF	Yea, and so used it that were it not here apparent
	that thou art heir apparent--But, I prithee, sweet
	wag, shall there be gallows standing in England when	55
	thou art king? and resolution thus fobbed as it is
	with the rusty curb of old father antic the law? Do
	not thou, when thou art king, hang a thief.

PRINCE HENRY		Thou judgest false already: I mean, thou shalt have
		the hanging of the thieves and so become a rare hangman.

FALSTAFF	Well, Hal, well; and in some sort it jumps with my
	humour as well as waiting in the court, I can tell
	you.	65

FALSTAFF		Yea, for obtaining of suits, whereof the hangman
		hath no lean wardrobe. 'Sblood, I am as melancholy
		as a gib cat or a lugged bear.

PRINCE HENRY		What sayest thou to a hare, or the melancholy of
		Moor-ditch?

FALSTAFF	Thou hast the most unsavoury similes and art indeed
	the most comparative, rascalliest, sweet young	75
	prince. But, Hal, I prithee, trouble me no more
	with vanity. I would to God thou and I knew where a
	commodity of good names were to be bought. An old
	lord of the council rated me the other day in the
	street about you, sir, but I marked him not; and yet	80
	he talked very wisely, but I regarded him not; and
	yet he talked wisely, and in the street too.

PRINCE HENRY		Thou didst well; for wisdom cries out in the
		streets, and no man regards it.

FALSTAFF	O, thou hast damnable iteration and art indeed able	85
	to corrupt a saint. Thou hast done much harm upon
	me, Hal; God forgive thee for it! Before I knew
	thee, Hal, I knew nothing; and now am I, if a man
	should speak truly, little better than one of the
	wicked. I must give over this life, and I will give	90
	it over: by the Lord, and I do not, I am a villain:
	I'll be damned for never a king's son in
	Christendom.

FALSTAFF		'Zounds, where thou wilt, lad; I'll make one; an I	95
		do not, call me villain and baffle me.

PRINCE HENRY		I see a good amendment of life in thee; from praying
		to purse-taking.

FALSTAFF	Why, Hal, 'tis my vocation, Hal; 'tis no sin for a
	man to labour in his vocation.	100
	[Enter POINS]
	Poins! Now shall we know if Gadshill have set a
	match. O, if men were to be saved by merit, what
	hole in hell were hot enough for him? This is the
	most omnipotent villain that ever cried 'Stand' to
	a true man.	105

POINS	Good morrow, sweet Hal. What says Monsieur Remorse?
	what says Sir John Sack and Sugar? Jack! how
	agrees the devil and thee about thy soul, that thou
	soldest him on Good-Friday last for a cup of Madeira	110
	and a cold capon's leg?

PRINCE HENRY		Sir John stands to his word, the devil shall have
		his bargain; for he was never yet a breaker of
		proverbs: he will give the devil his due.

POINS	But, my lads, my lads, to-morrow morning, by four
	o'clock, early at Gadshill! there are pilgrims going
	to Canterbury with rich offerings, and traders
	riding to London with fat purses: I have vizards	120
	for you all; you have horses for yourselves:
	Gadshill lies to-night in Rochester: I have bespoke
	supper to-morrow night in Eastcheap: we may do it
	as secure as sleep. If you will go, I will stuff
	your purses full of crowns; if you will not, tarry	125
	at home and be hanged.

FALSTAFF		Hear ye, Yedward; if I tarry at home and go not,
		I'll hang you for going.

FALSTAFF		There's neither honesty, manhood, nor good
		fellowship in thee, nor thou camest not of the blood
		royal, if thou darest not stand for ten shillings.

POINS	Sir John, I prithee, leave the prince and me alone:	140
	I will lay him down such reasons for this adventure
	that he shall go.

FALSTAFF	Well, God give thee the spirit of persuasion and him
	the ears of profiting, that what thou speakest may
	move and what he hears may be believed, that the	145
	true prince may, for recreation sake, prove a false
	thief; for the poor abuses of the time want
	countenance. Farewell: you shall find me in Eastcheap.

PRINCE HENRY		Farewell, thou latter spring! farewell, All-hallown summer!
		[Exit Falstaff]

POINS	Now, my good sweet honey lord, ride with us	150
	to-morrow: I have a jest to execute that I cannot
	manage alone. Falstaff, Bardolph, Peto and Gadshill
	shall rob those men that we have already waylaid:
	yourself and I will not be there; and when they
	have the booty, if you and I do not rob them, cut	155
	this head off from my shoulders.